My Bittersweet Long Walk

Enjoying Re:Train today. It's awesome to hear Justin Holcomb, Dave Bruskas, and Dave Helm.  They were very helpful.  I also had the privilege to give Peter and Amy a backstage tour of the Ballard Campus of Mars Hill.  They got to see how all the production gets done and the reason behind the way we do what we do.

But this week was an amazingly illuminating week:  I am selfish.

On Thursday, I officially handed off Church Cleanup to Skyler.  I have led the ministry since March of 2010.  Wow 18 months of leading the best group of servant leaders in Mars Hill.  I saw men and women go from shy first-timers to deacons, community group leaders, and Sunday team leaders.  Honestly discipleship was the best part of what I had the chance to participate in.  Pointing people to Jesus and seeing him transform them, it's the best.  People like Mike, Rod, Abby, Ginni, Woodstock, Red Bird, Fried Chicken, King Raven, Paper Crane, King Fisher, Blue Heron and all the rest (we used bird-based radio call signs).  They saw what worship looks like and they joined our little community to serve.  None of these volunteers will ever be put on stage and recognized for their selfless service, but they all deserve it.  I love these guys and gals and I was sad to leave them.  I desire for all of them to continue to make progress and grow in their faith. As much as I'd like to stick around, Skyler needs his space to own this ministry and serve these people.  I plan to be a consultant and serve him as needed, but now it's his baby. There were 33 people who came out to serve on my last night.  This is a great sign for our Fall push!
Every time I start a task, ministry, or friendship my goal is always to finish well.  I am so honored to have done just that in my conclusion to leading Church Cleanup (this is what my leadership told me, I'm not assessing myself).
I felt a desire to hold onto the ministry last night.  It's like I wanted to keep this role all for myself rather than giving it over to a great guy who loves these people.  I wanted to be selfish.

That same bittersweet night I also received a very gracious email from a friend who affirmed and redirected our friendship, yet again I felt a drive for selfishness.  What about me? To quote Pastor mark, "What about you?!"  I am really not that big of a deal.  God is a big deal, but I really think too much of myself. I mean who am I? Just another short brown kid from yet another broken home who grew up off food bank skim milk and the neighbors' extra peanut butter. God has brought Luke 22:1-23 to mind.  Pastor Dave Bruskas preached this section on August 28th.  Basically this section shows how Jesus' plan is better than my plans. Even if literal death (like the horrible death of Dave's little boy) or a figurative death is the next step.  His plan is better than mine. I am trying to believe this, but God will need to work more in my heart. I'm not saying that I am worthless and have no future.
I guess I'm just saying I need to be realistic and know my place.  After all, the definition of the word humility is literally "to know ones place".  Oh, but please don't think I'm in any way humble.  If I have ever come off as humble, just wipe that brief moment out of your mind; it was likely a deception designed to make me look pious.  Hmm, that might be the first and last time I ever use the word pious.

So with the misty feelings and fond memories being replayed in my heart, I walked all the way home to West Seattle. I put my trip into Google Earth and it said it was 11.8 miles.

I must have been walking slowly because it took me 4 hours 21 minutes to complete. I started at 11:03PM, after locking up Ballard for the last time. I just needed time to think.  Down near the Victoria Clipper, I stopped and watched a Great Blue Heron stealthily stalk fish and quickly swish in to make an amazing catch. Down past the China Shipping piers, I stopped again to chat idly to a feral cat with the foam of rabied maddness dripping from its mouth. I walked past no less than two dozen scattered homeless men and their assorted gunna. I watched a road crew clear out last year's collection of beer bottles and refuse from the little fishing spot on the Duamish River.  I walked around a gang of drunken men who had just come out of the bars and were starting to slur and sling arguments over whose motorcycle went faster.  My walk reminded me of a song by Atmosphere, Shhh:

This is for everyone around the planet
That wishes they were from somewhere other than where they standin'
Don't take it for granted, instead take a look around
Quit complaining and build something on that ground
Plant something on that ground, dance and sleep on that ground
Get on your hands and knees and watch the ants walk around

I love the patch of dirt that's mine, regardless of the hard stuff I need to wrestle with from time to time I've still got a hope and someone to talk it all out with.  But dang it! My selfishness is absolutely ridiculous.

So today I gave up the Church Cleanup set of keys to Mars Hill Ballard.  This ends my era. As I listen to some great Re:Train teaching, I must conclude that life sucks so hard and is really pretty fantastic at the same time.

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments ['cause life goes quick, you blink and you'll miss it]

It's After Midnight...How about a Post

So besides being a religious jerk this week, I hosted a German meal for 7 friends, I went to Community Group, and I worked on my "little slice of the promised land".

Please be kind.  I am a bachelor.  I live with two other bachelors.  I have actually never hosted, planned, and executed a party on my own before.  I had no idea what I was doing but Amy, Nick and Peter were very gracious and helped me in the food prep.  Nick actually built a sous-vide device for the bratwurst and it totally worked! His machine was amazing and a total success. My goal was to cook a German meal so that Peter and Amy could at least taste a little of home while they start their 13 month unpaid internship with Mars Hill. I kinda succeeded.  Well you decide. My meal consisted of:

• Bratwurst on Sauerkraut with Curry and Ketchup (don't ask it's a German thing)
• Broccoli with Cream Sauce
• Asiago Scalloped  Potatoes
• Plated Fresh Vegetables (cucumber, carrots, and red bell peppers)
• Fresh Fruit (mango and black grapes)
• Spaghetti Squash with Curry and Soy
• Pear Meringue Dessert (from Mora)

This meal could have totally used a woman's administrative touch.

I admit it really wasn't all that German...and my timing kinda sucked (I was 25 minutes behind schedule on getting all the food out). I would arrogantly call my little dinner party a low-scale success.

Oh well, at least we had great conversation; my friends Mora and Erik attended and Mora spoke high German with Peter and Amy.  Mirella and Josue also attended and seemed to have some fun.

Last night at community group, David our fearless leader, who just got his green card, led us to 25 minutes of silence to ask the Holy Spirit to convict and reveal our hearts in several areas. These are the questions and what I heard.

1. What is God's heart/will?
• God is Seeking Worshipers and he invites me to participate in that joyous task.
2. In light of Pastor Fairchild's vision to bring the whole Gospel to the whole of West Seattle, how does my life currently reflect this?
• I really have not pursued my little corner of WS in the 5 weeks I have been here.  I don't know my neighbors and what their needs are. Where is my heart? It is apathetic towards my lost neighbors.
3. How is Jesus calling me to repent?
• God's will is taht all my neighbors would come to have a relationship with Him. God wants my heart  to change from indifference to compassion so that I would respond to the Gospel by being intentionally pursuing them for friendship.
4. what are my skills/gifts/talents and how can I use them to pursue that vision?
• I am hospitable, organized, and a little kingly, and every once in a while I am generous so putting all these together, maybe Peter and I can invite the neighbors over.

I loved getting a little quite time in community with God.  We them broke into small groups to discuss what we had been praying about.  Jack, who as I have said before I look up to and want to emulate, spoke life into Peter, Amy, and myself in his fatherly way. We shared and prayed for each other; it was awesome.
And the last thing I have been doing is working on my house.  It is going well, I hope to start spraying paint tomorrow.  The siding company left all kids of voids in the caulking so I have spent several days correcting their work.  But as a pleasant surprise, I got to meet one of my neighbors!  I prayed for God to give me an opportunity, and he totally provided.  His name is Dave and he lives across the alley in the red house.  I learned about his struggle to fix up and fail to sell a house nearby and how he is struggling to financially get by.  He is a little older and lives alone with his wife.
When I have painted my house all of you are invited over...Well I am the only one who reads this, so I'll just invite myself over.  Maybe me and I can hangout and eat French Truffles and Drink Ice water while we sit out on the deck and hang out with Andy the neighborhood welcome cat. Gute Nacht!!

40 Years of Marriage? Really?

On Friday I had the high honor of attend a 40th Wedding Anniversary and Vow Renewal.  I have never been to such an event.  Bill is a Mars Hill elder and Julis is his amazing wife who just shines with kindness and grace. As an example, at Mars Hill West Seattle, I make coffee.  Who am I? There are 650 weekly attendees here, and I am just some random single man.  Julis gave me an beautiful invitation, with my name hand-written, to their celebration. Who am I?  They had PRIME RIB and Cabernet at the event!  And I didn't have to pay!  Who am I?  I received the grace of seeing two people who love each other even more than they did on their wedding day 40 years later. They spoke of sex and an all-encompassing unity and total connection that has been nurtured by Jesus over the decades in front of 250 people with no shame and no embarrassment.
I mean I am a kid from a family where unity never existed and the marriage exploded not even 9 years in, looking at Bill and Julie and hearing they obvious love for one another, seeing their three amazing kids and their 10 grand kids, hearing their candid explanation of the horrors they have weathered, and the incredible legacy of the hundred plus couples who they have loved and served as marriage councilors and pre-marriage councilors; I think how can this be?  How can a man love and woman and provide well for her and sacrificially serve her and be a good dad and be an exemplary yet imperfect man and an amazing grandfather and an elder in a church and a man who I deeply desire to emulate?  Again and again they pointed to one answer, Jesus.  They are God's grace to me.
Oh and Driscoll was there to honor them both.
Observations jotted down during the celebration:
-Julia's children rose up and called her blessed - just like Proverbs 31:28
-There is hope for me that my marriage rooted in Jesus can last for 40 years
-God please help me to eventually be a man like Bill
-He is such a strong manly man yet he is still broken by the honor of being Julia's husband
-She spoke well of him and showed him great respect
-When she had big strife with her family he protected her
-10 grandchildren and he will leave a legacy for all of them - just like Proverbs 13:22
-My response, tears and sadness (for my parents) and a yearning for something like that for my future
-40 years is hard but it can happen, in Jesus
-Josh, make sure you dance with your daughters at every wedding and every single special event with dancing - be like Aaron Easter
-Be okay with making an idiot of yourself for your wife, even in public

Confession of a Religious Jerk

Another break from Alaska Posts.
So I had a chance to go and wish my good friend Elliott farewell at a party in his honor.  He is one of my oldest friends, a gentleman and scholar.  He departs for Tierra del Fuego in two days in his anticipation of the end of the world (or perhaps merely the end of civilization as we know it) come December 12th 2012.  He will ride his bicycle from his home of Seattle down the west coast to and through Mexico and on to Panama where the road ends.  He will take a boat to South America and ride its spine to the end of land approximately 9,348.61 miles later.  Truly I say to you this is an Epic trip and Elliott is a man big in heart and strong in soul for such a feat.

Cheers to you mate!! HERE is his awesome blog where he will try to keep us appraised of his progress as Internet connections allow.

So at this party there were 7 people with whom I attended Garfield High School.  The rest were strangers or loose acquaintances. After chatting with Elliott and wishing him well, I settled into a chair under the stars next to Collin. We hadn't seen each other since the times we ran into each other in the UW weight room when I was in grad school. He had had a bit of bourbon and He brought up theology after I mentioned that I had recently completed a brief internship with the "infamous" Mars Hill Church. He mentioned that Mars had a good influence on his buddy who attended briefly but Collin didn't like Pastor Mark.  I asked if he wanted to hear my story of how Jesus got a hold of me; he said yes.  So I told him the whole crooked tale in about 2 minutes.  All the sin and the depression and the hopelessness.  He stopped me several times to say, "What the **** man?  I used to sit next to you in Band class, I switched chair so I could sit next to you and chat.. I didn't know you were hopeless and in that place."  I told him that appearances can be deceiving.  I finished up with my mountain top and Jesus grace.  I really don't like to share my tale, but the reactions are always priceless because it can tell you a lot about where a listener is at. Collin is a deist of a sort and sees Jesus as a good moral teacher, and his reaction to my tale was a nod, silence, and a deep swig of bourbon.
I caught up with Jared later and he told me that he respects Pastor James Harleman from Shoreline and used to attend the Ballard Church before other Mars Hills were started.
So as I sat around the circle of chairs I felt a sadness that these eclectic and beautiful people, from the phone sex worker to the computer programmer, gathered to enjoy Elliott and his adventure are lost and in need of help just like me.
So as I shared my story  with Collin, a gal across the circle overheard a sentence where I mentioned Christianity and said, "Yeah that's stupid." So my ego took a hit and I realized that my religious side was coming out.  Throughout the evening I found myself getting all arrogant!  Seriously?  How can I compare myself to these folks and be all like, "I've got my stuff all together? You need to clean up your act."  Apart from Jesus, I am living the same exact life as everyone else at the party.  The only goodness in me is from the hand of God; all my religious activities are worthless for salvation! My religiousness is always crouching the the door waiting to rule over me like Cain of old.  God please help me.
Each person was looking for saving grace in causes, in relationships, in intellect, in their own pursuit, in the approval of their mates, or in the cosmic consciousness.  Each of the 15+ different conversations I initiated and the 5 that others initiated with me all revealed that they know something in themselves, in their families, or in their world is broken and inevitably they theorized either directly or circumspectly a possible solution. Such a beautiful opportunity to share a little hope with amazing people. Random and likely pointless aside: Even the fact that I initiated any conversations is a grace from God.  Before Jesus grabbed me at age 20, I would only initiate a conversation with people I knew well.  No, liquid courage was not involved!  But my 107 Old Weller Whiskey on the rocks was enjoyable with Daniel's amazing cookies. Last night I knew that the party was not about me being comfortable or just relaxing, it was about the 25 other people, it was about Elliott, and it was about the Kingdom.
Two great conversations and good convictions and repentance, a nice night under the stars on any date on the calendar.

Oh yeah Peter, Amy, Ryan, Nick, Matt, David, and myself went into the woods. Nick and I had the privilege of sharing a little American Culture with two Germans and a former Australian Federal Police Officer. It's nice when you can convert a young lady from uneasy fear of firearms to a little bit of a gun nut just by letting her shoot a 12 gauge (with low recoil rounds, I take 1 Tim 5:2 literally, so I try to be considerate).
And here's a recent video with no context. (I did have a clean back stop) LINK

Mount Adams We meet Again...For the First Time

Miles: 598.6
Miles Hiked: 13.1
Miles Glissaded: 3.5
Group Size: 10

I apologize for interrupting the Alaska account, but I just got back from Mount Adams (the same one I summitted twice in a week last summer) and it was a whale of a time! Well, it was more of a large volcano covered in loose ash, pumice, basalt, and ice; kinda less like a blubbery mammal.
So with 5 days notice on Facebook and The City, I got 9 other folks to join me on a summit attempt. I just got back from Alaska, so I didn't promote very well.
Matt and I left Seattle at 10:30AM on Friday after packing up. We pounded a Monster and Code Red and plunged into Eastern Washington, stopping only to marvel at a Super Wal-Mart. We arrived at the Ranger Station for the Gifford Pinchot National Forest at 4:30PM and got our fancy Human Waste Bags (you must pack out all your "contributions" from the national forest) and paid the $15 fee for all 10 folks.
On the access road out to the trail head, we pulled over and performed conflict resolution tests on an unsuspecting tree. My ears rang until after we got back from the hike.

After getting turned around, we finally got to Cold Springs Camp Ground and setup the tents. We spent an hour-and-a-half gathering wood and had a massive pile ready for when the 2nd and 3rd wave of hikers arrived. We then wandered off and decided that we had better use the axe we brought. So we tried to fell a dead tree. We tried 4 different trees and failed four times. This forest is not a tall forest, but rather a tough forest that is buried under snow 9 months out of the year. Conditions like this ensure that only trees with superior toughness survive, thus the cellulose fiber composition is particularly dense...At least that is what I told myself when I failed to fell the fourth tree. I am kind of like a Corgi, my torso is average size (except not), but I have itty-bitty legs; not unlike Ray William Johnson. Those proportions don't lend themselves to logging.

 So after failing, Matt and I lit the fire with a little "cheating juice". We then laid on the ground and watched 4 satellites sail across the sky and 3 meteorites burn their way across the moonless night. Once I knew the 2nd wave and 3rd wave folks were close I started the bacon...We cooked 8 pounds of bacon (1/2 a pound was lost in a friendly-fire event) and enjoyed every severely or moderately scorched piece. Mad props to Michael Frank, he totally rocked his bacon. The grease fire raged, but his came out perfect.

We retired with a little wine, and I starred at the tent's ceiling for 5 hours until it was time to wake up, but the insomnia gave me a nice opportunity to pray through some stuff.
Saturday morning we hit the trail at 7:37AM (after pictures and my little overview of the route). We made great time up to Echo Bowl (with the non-existent wind the echos were particularly good) and shouted "Echo!, Are you ready to Rumble?!, 'Merica, A British Tar!" for a while.
Nick set his own pace and nine of us jumped ahead to rest at Lunch Counter (9025ft). Joel found a Tungsten wedding ring sitting in the wind shelter. Either some recently divorced dude chucked it or a raven snagged the shiny "Ring of Power" off a rock while someone was applying sunscreen.
Once we broke the break, I was the first one on the slog-slope. Now let me tell you about this slope. It is nasty. It is cruel and it is mean. In about 1.5 miles of travel, you gain about 1,950 feet on slippery compacted snow and ice. You are completely exposed to the wind and the glare off the pure china-white combined with the noon-day radiance usually come together to fry, freeze, and exhaust even the most avid hikers. For a sub-par hiking pretender like myself this slope destroyed me. Now let me brag on God, he totally hooked all nine of us up, there was NO WIND!. Seriously none, I cannot emphasize how rare that is especially at 11,000ft (3,352m for my British cousins).
So even though I left first, I arrived 3rd to last. I was wrecked by that slope. Greg and Melissa decided to enjoy a lovely nap at Piker's Peak instead of summitting, I can't blame them, the windless false summit at 11,657ft might be the most romantic place in North America to spend an hour-and-a-half visiting with your beloved.

The story with the name for the false summit is kinda like those demotivational posters you might have seen.  Nick's favorite is this one:

7 of use tried for the summit and we all made it. Matt gave me some kind encouragement as he passed, and I really needed it. On the last 900ft from the valley between the false summit and the true summit I became enraged. Some freakin' joke of a man was cussing out his wife (or girl friend, or sister).  He started swearing at here after they had passed me and were 300ft below and descending. Man I get so angry when a man rages at a woman. He was blatantly violating 1 Peter 3:7 (a verse I have been meditating for a few weeks), he showed no honor and was not understanding. I'm not gonna lie, I prayed that 1 Peter 3:7b come true for that piece of...  Imprecatory prayers, wow. Man, nothing gets my back up like violence (physical or verbal) directed at a woman.
Anyways, I was dead last up to the summit (and nearly dead). I was at least 10 minutes behind every onle else (my concept of time was skewed because I was totally focused on making the next step and trying to slow my heart-rate down). I prayed for God to give me the grace of reaching the summit, but more importantly for His will to be done.  But God came through and totally hooked me up (Oh, the Gatorage "GU" gell is a crock, it didn't have any noticeable effect on me). At the 12,281ft top there was a infinitesimal amount of wind, maybe 2 mph.  That is unheard of!  Both of my previous summit here were greeted with bone-chilling 20-35mph wind gusts with a minimum of 15mph sustained. Again it was an unparalleled day to summit.  There were NO clouds only haze on the horizon allowing an unrestricted 360 degree view of Rainier, St.Helens, Hood, and Jefferson peaks.
At the top, the other guys were crazy gracious waiting for me before taking THE summit pics.  Apparently, their tradition is the "Skin Shot" at the top of whatever they climb. It's not a bad tradition to start for Volcano Summits.

As soon as it was time to partake of the summit toast (1oz of Mango Rum, 1oz of Coconut Rum, 2oz of Courvoisier VSOP Cognac (my favorite was the cognac, mmm mmm)), Matt Behr led us in a rousing manly rendition of Doxology:

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow!
Praise Him All Creatures Here Below,
Praise Him Above All Heavenly Hosts!
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!

The tradition of the summit toast is longstanding for Nick and I. Man, I missed him up there. His knee was just not willing to let him summit. There is just something right about a little alcohol to celebrate the assent to a peak.
All 9 of us sledded down in record time.  I went from 11,657ft to 9,754ft traveling 1.2 miles in 8 minutes!!! All sliding down a 28% grade. It was a blast!

And here is my destroyed Sled:

We hustled down the mountain and we saw this beautiful sunset near the base.

I was feeling like crap from the False Summit all the way down.  I had vertigo, nausea (but I held it in), blurred vision, very little lung capacity (I was coughing like a chain smoker if I took too deep of a breath), and a plaguing cramp on the inside of my left quad.  I kept praying the formal and pietistic supplication "Dad Fix it!" Yeah, if you guys heard how I pray you'd totally roll your eyes and shake your heads. We got to the campsite after dark and quickly packed up for the return trip to Seattle. We all shook hands and agreed the hike totally kicked tail.
Matt, Nick, and I all hit up a truck stop for some food and Nick had to drive back to Seattle, I was in no condition to drive. For the second night in a row I didn't sleep only shut my eyes and lost myself in the morass of my mind and semi-stochastic musings of what God's will may be. Some kind words kept returning to mind, "Love God and do whatever you please" -Augustine. Yeah but you don't understand, if I actually trust that whatever God's will is will be accomplished when I delight in him first, then I don't have any control over the course of events....*wink... sarcasm and conviction go hand in hand*
So the three of us hit Seattle around 4:35AM, and I was showered and in bed by 6:20AM...only to get up at 7:35AM to get to church.  Right now it is 12:45AM the next day And I have slept 1.75 hours out of the last 66.25 hours.  I may be considered "sleep deprived". Pftt! That's nothing, my personal best was 87.5 hours of continuous consciousness, and the last 8 hours of that I drove from Oregon to Seattle along the Coast. Um bragging about not sleeping, now it should be obvious why the Bible has nothing positive to say about young men. Not one thing. But you say what about 1 John 2:14?!  Well young men are strong (well most of them are, the pictures above rule me out of this category). So the young men can be terrorists...that's not necessarily a complement.
Ooh one more thing to crowd this already sesquipedalian mess of a blog post.  In church the Holy Spirit totally used my fatigue by opening my mind/gut to this amazing little song my Kelsey Bernheisel. I don't even know the name of the song but here are some quotes excerpted: "We are broken, shipwrecked in the storm" "Father you set us free" "Father you are our hope" "Jesus you are all we have" "Father come and fill us up take our idols".  I know without the lyric sheet these seem pretty generic, but it meant something to me and broke me up inside.
Um I think that's all I want to type. Typos are all intentional. Yes even that one that's still bothering you.
Random Pictures Without Explanation:

 This spastic writer thanks Rodrigo Y Gabriel for their invaluable riffs and harmonies which contributed to the overall tempo of key strokes.

Insomnia is God's Grace

Sleepless musings interrupting Alaska recollections.
I don't care if the flow is interrupted I have something to say and that's the way it will be.
What was I going to say...? It doesn't matter; I'll just type until I lose consciousness and wake with the imprint of a keyboard across the right side of my face.
How about I talk about what I have been learning as sleep has slipped away for the past few nights.
You could say that something has developed in my life that is challenging and unexpected and has directed my attentions toward a review of what the Bible says about men as masculine defenders, humble leaders, cultivators of women and children, haters of evil, knowledge imparting sages, self-controlled one-woman servants, and upright loyal Christians.
Basically Driscoll has been yelling at me for days now.  It's awesome.  If a man looks at his call and future without the fear of God and without an understanding of what his identity is, then he will live to his own glory, avoiding responsibility, not serving others, not leading a family, being a passive coward, contributing to a world where 40% of kids got to bed without a dad, because their dad was one of the worst kinds of men who use and abandon women. Was that a run-one sentence? Probably.
As Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy, and Titus all agree men are prone to passiveness or arrogant chauvinism.  My natural tendency is toward passivity.  Apart from God I am a the guy who avoids confrontation, who will agree with you to avoid being seen as a jerk, who will not point out folly and stupidity, who will not condemn evil even when it is causing generational damage, who will sit idly by like my father Adam while the Enemy lies and tears apart families and friendships.
But what is a man if he isn't getting into trouble, if he isn't contending for truth, if he isn't speaking that truth into the lives of his friends, if he isn't prayerfully showing manly fortitude while opposing the Enemy of God?
1 Peter 1:18 tells me that I have been "ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers". My forefathers were passive men. By the grace of God I don't need to be like them, repeating their mistakes and teaching them to my kids.  It stopped with me. My kids will be different because of Jesus. Man that truth is so easy to forget. I need to be reminded often.
Grace...yeah I received a book from a friend about that. Here's some cool stuff from it:

"I've found that words tend to spoil ove the years, like old meat. Their meaning rots away." 

Philip Yancey is comparing the word grace to other words whose meaning has dimmed and festered over the centuries. He sees the word Grace as an imperishable words that has survived and infiltrated every facet of our nomenclature: persona non grata (an enemy of the state) means literally a person without grace, we leave gratuities at restaurants, we congratulated for success, we show scorn by denying a person grace "You ungrateful ass!" "You're an ingrate", and when a woman is assaulted we say she has been disgraced (her grace has been taken away). 

"...grace is indeed amazing--truely our last best word."

Yancey pays the word grace a high compliment - I would disagree, I believe the word "steak" is the most beautiful, most excellent, most honorific collection of alphanumeric symbols which unite into an amplified tintinnabulation resounding off the faces of mountains causing birds to sing, men to rise to war, enemies to flee, women to rejoice, and God to be honored.  Um... what the hell was that all about? I guess it's 2AM and I'm hungry... Seriously Grace is freakin' sweet. It is the most difficult doctrine for me to understand and I have to fight to not be deceived regarding it's impact on my life.

"[Most people] think of church as a place to go after you have cleaned up your act, not before."

Sad but true.  Folks try to use religion to manipulate God into loving them, instead of throwing their atrocious life on the grace of Jesus because He already showed efficacious love.
Um what else have I learned during my nocturnal roamings and MP3 induced sesquipedalian prayers?

Driscoll quoted another preacher who said no man can ever out-shovel a woman's capacity to love.  The point is that ladies have a greater capacity for expressing love that a man does (Men can show love but it looks different--it tends to be shown in action not spoken). This is a complicating variable, because women need to hear love to feel it whereas men need to feel respected.  I know I am at my happiest not when my life is smooth and easy, but when I feel respect as an image bearer of God. Driscoll's point is that a masculine husband needs to labor and be intentional about his words of affection otherwise he has "not provided for the needs of his" wife.  We all know the other half of that saying...
All my reading and auditory grappling has had a particular two-pronged focus: (1) encouraging me to rest in the grace of God and (2) demanding that I live in the fear of an Almighty God.  Fear of the lord is my only hope for wisdom, and man, I could really use some.
I might actually be getting tired; this is good.  Lemme go stare at the ceiling some more and see if I can stop feeling dumb because I can't follow the instructions that are so obvious that even the mattress company's lawyers don't feel the need to put them on the tag: step 1 - Lay down on mattress, step 2 - go to sleep.  Man, you can tell I went to public school, I can't figure out step 2!!

Alaska Days 1-3

Miles: 2,384
Average MPG: 19.2
Gallons: 124.17
Bears and Wolves: 4
Alaska Beards: 3
Miles Hiked: 0

Well we made it to Denali National Park...technically a private campground just outside the park called Grizzly Bear Campground. It's a brisk night with a low of about 48F.  We are camped overlooking a beautiful river and are enjoying the soft ripple of water over smooth stones. Yulia, Nick and Mirella drove very well and covered the bulk of the distance.  My specialty was the night time sections.  I remember a little road trip I took in college with Trevor, Lili, Sam, Joe, and Jean.  They killed the days and I owned the night (the trip was from Hillsdale Michigan out to South Padre Island, 30 hours of sweet blacktop).
For some inexplicable reason I have been blessed with excellent sight (20/10 right and 20/20 left) and, when properly caffeinated, very good reflexes. So I love the night drives.
We only had one little issue on the way up (besides a few minor wrong turns), the Canadian Mounties!? On the U.S. / Canadia (YES! the proper name for "Canada" is Canadia, or America's Hat, or that loft apartment above a really great party) border we hit a little problem.  When the border agent asked for our passports and an explanation of how all the passengers knew each other he got suspicious and told us to pull over to the parking area.  We complied and went inside the 1960s era facility. A stone-faced Asian Mounty asked me to explain how these disparate people all happen to be going to Alaska. I felt his subtle implication loud and clear: you must be smugglers trying to get some of that chine-white American common sense into the warped world of Canadia...and I won't let you, Eh!
While he and his comrades in Mounty-dom removed every last piece of gear from our car and using the most sophisticated techniques known to a Canadia-ian, a portable X-ray machine (no doubt loaned from the U.S. Border Patrol) found that we are really boring people, no booze, knives, tactical nukes, or copies of Calvin and Hobbes Revenge of the Baby-Sat (this book must be illegal in Canadia where anything fun must be viewed with suspicion, apparently including some Alaska-bound crazies in a rental car with Colorado plates). During my interroga-...I mean "cordial interview" with the Mounty, his questions led me to explain the hierarchy and organizational structure of Mars Hill Church.  I thought that was hilarious, but I tried to keep a straight face. My 5 month internship under the executive elders and their assistant really came in handy.
After surviving the Mounties, we snagged some snacks and dropped the Traverse in gear to cross the great wastes of Vancouver Before Christ and the desolate Yukon. Along the way I played California by the band Phantom Planet which Tina convinced us to change to "Laska, Laska...Laska, Laska, Oh here we come!"
I also made the mistake of self-disclosure. I told two stories that led to the creation of a mad inside joke. So in an attempt to kill an inside joke by making it a Google-able outside joke, here goes:
I was once studying with my grad school colleague Greg Teplow.  We were studying in a coffee shop (propably Zoka in U Village) and my tall and 30% African American buddy turns to me and says in a bold voice, "You Sir are a Racist!" And he immediately goes back to his notes and books.  I an sitting there kinda stunned and trying to avoid eye-contact with all the curious people looking at the little mostly white looking guy with the tall mostly black looking dude as they mentally place bets on how many second it will take the white guy to die after the black guy leaps across the table.  Greg was totally joking but the awkward reaction in the coffee shop was priceless.  Another odd story comes from my buddy Joe Seaver who had a brother who inspired him. When someone sneezes in most of the English speaking world the proper response in to say bless you but what do you say when someone coughs?  Joe's answer was brilliant: "SHUT UP!".  So I disclosed these two stories to my travelling companions.  So for the rest of the trip Josue led us in a chorus of "Shut up you racist!" Or "Shut up Sir" Or "Racist Cough-er" at random times for no apparent reason.  It was great fun. On highway 37 we saw 4 black bears just on the side of the road. At Whitehorse Yukon Terrotories, we enjoyed a nice meal at Earl's Restaurant.  They actually gave me a sweet design idea for my house.
We made the Canadia / Alaska border at 4AM and after a laugh with the lone border patrol agent over how bad Canadia's roads are and the majesty of the Alaska state bird (the mosquito) we were back in the land of awesomeness. American roads are far better than Canadia-ian roads and actually are crowned so the rain water actually runs off of it instead of pooling.
By noon of the third day we had resupplied in Fairbanks and turned South to Denali.
Now some Pics:

 The Park Sign

 I managed to pick up a hood ornament.

An example of the beauty we encountered on the drive North

Special thanks to Bardo Pond, and my old musical friend Mogwai for providing the tunes for this blogging experience.

Easter Setup @ Qwest Field

Uploaded after the Easter event...

On Friday April 22nd, I got to the stadium at 8am and joined up with team "Ops-Elite". (Say it out loud several times fast and you'll see why we changed the name to the "Blackhawks") My team was composed of 8 "trusted" Mars Hill interns who had to be able to operate independent of central control and direction.

We started by setting up all 5 Connect Desks for the Event. These desks were places where visitors could go and ask any questions, get free Bibles, get the Mars Hill Annual Report, and get one of these amazing handouts:

We were treated fantastically by Mars Hill. As an Mars Hill intern, I am unpaid and have given months to God's work with no expectation of any blessing. Yet we were lavished with food at Qwest. We had like 7 meals all provided. For those of you who don't know my love language is food. ("love language" is a reference to this book that Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a while ago that says that men and women feel loved in one of 5 ways: acts of service, quality time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation)

After completing the first tier of prep work, I jumped teams to the lighting team. I have worked for ERM a Seattle area event staffing service as a lighting tech/stage hand. So I knew how to do this job well. Here is what the stage looked like with our fancy lights up:

Here are some additional shots from Saturday as the work progressed:

(In the foreground you can see one of the 20 baptismals dwarfed by one of the two huge Led Jumbo-trons)

(Here are the faithful volunteers who put in thousands of hours to make this happen)

(From the 300 level North: On the top and bottom we see the Baptism tents. The far left tent is the men's changing tent, the center tent is the women's changing tent and the right tent is the prayer tent where people who want to get dunked will be prayed with and interviewed to see if they understand who Jesus is. The stage is flanked by two 35 foot jumbo-trons and a 40 foot stage where Pastor Mark will preach)

(From the Southwest 300 level of Qwest Field: Here you can see the 20 Baptismals that are pipping hot 100 deg F)

A funny story: Back in January when the Executive Elders of Mars Hill decided to do a massive Easter service they called up the people who organize events for Luis Palau (an evangelist), Greg Laurie (an evangelist), and others to see how to do baptisms in a mass-meeting like this (a perennial tradition at all Easter Services for Mars Hill). EVERY single organization said "Don't do baptisms!" its too crazy, you can't cope with the masses of people, keep things organized, and logistically keep up. They do them out in the parking lots all afternoon. Well guess what we are planning for...500 Baptisms in 40 minutes... That means that each Baptismal must accommodate 25 people in 40 minutes. That means 25 baptisms every 1.6 minutes must be completed for us to not run over time. Fou n'est-ce pas?

(Here is the Choir getting set for sound check on Saturday. Since the theme for the event is a happy sunny country fair the choir in their fancy robes act as the golden backdrop for the sermon)

Longest Bike Ride

Miles Run:122.9

Miles Biked:129.09

Miles Hiked:8.70
Total Miles:260.69
Stadium Stairs Run*:2244
Steep Steps Run*:1340
Days to Rainier:104
Summit Team:7
Aspirin Tablets:42

My week has been fun. My work, which is in a secret location, has been very varied and allowed me to share a little bit of the Gospel with my not-yet-Christian friends. I even got to build a library system for a pastor with a 1,600 volume library. Hopefully in two weeks his entire library will be digitized.

I even went on my longest bike ride yet from my house in West Seattle to the new Shoreline Campus of Mars Hill (25.7 miles). The first event at Shoreline's new home was a lecture/sermon by Sam Storms in the topic of spiritual warfare. The talk was awesome (check it out at http://bit.ly/fame6u). Their facility is amazing. It seats 357 people with additional overflow rooms. Their children's space is huge with plenty of space to grow. Donald bought me teriyaki; that was soo kind and soo amazing, I was blown away by his generosity. Charlie and Lacey gave me a ride all the way back to West Seattle. Then I hade the highlight of my entire day! The back door was wide open at 10:30PM. I got to do a room by room clearing drill! So much fun.

The downside of the week is that my summit team is in decline. I lost my guide, who has been to the top; he is no longer able to lead us up Mt. Rainier. So unless I can find a new leader, our team has no first-hand knowledge of what lies above Camp Muir. I know only 40% of the route. I cannot lead this team in good conscience up to the top. So if no leader emerges, I will have to call off this adventure again. That means a fourth failed season.

I am considering soloing Rainier. I cannot endanger my team. But I am in the best shape of my life and I will be more-than ready for a summit. I know a secret campground at Camp Muir which will enable me to avoid the Ranger checkpoint. I can then cross Cathedral Gap onto the razer ice field on Ingram Glacier. After traversing the steep field, I can scramble up Disappointment Cleaver to the longest 2 miles of my life as I work up to the Caldera. Then circle to the true summit.

I can do this alone. But if anything goes wrong, if I slip, if I get disoriented, if the volcano produces nasty lenticular clouds or storms I might not come back because there will be no one to help me.

I can't invite someone else to join me on this journey. I can't ensure their safety.

Oh and Easter is only two weeks away! 20,000 people will come to Qwest Field on April 24th 500 will be baptized, the biggest church service in the history of the Pacific Northwest! Come. It will be amazing!

Mars Hill Church Qwest Field!!!

Whistling, Running, and Dune

Miles Run:99.19

Miles Biked:85.99
Total Miles:185.18
Stadium Stairs Run*:2244
Steep Steps Run*:1340
Days to Rainier:126
Summit Team:9.55
Aspirin Tablets:42

8.65 mile run on Monday. Strained my lateral colateral ligament on my right knee. Running sux, yadda, yadda yadda.

Ok the running stuff is out of the way, cool.

So I am here at the Ballard Campus of Mars Hill Church listening to the eloquence of the systems-minded master Tim Beltz. Very cool guy. He is a salty retired Coast Guard Officer who knows a lot about how to build a church's administrative capabilities to allow a church to love people and steward resources well. I need to learn these aspects to reach my long-term goals.

I had the chance to attend the church's staff training on Tuesday and was greatly encouraged by seeing the passion and steadfastness of my leaders. Pastor Mark Driscoll spoke from his gut and gave all the staff a widened vision of what we all are doing. He even gave health recommendations geared to help avoid burn out in this busy season of Easter prep, and assist all to steward their time well.

Yesterday, I got to enjoy some time with my amazing friend Pavel. He is an awesome leader at the University of Washington Campus of Mars. I had the chance to see how his Campus Cleanup team works. As the leader of the Ballard Campus Cleanup, I have made plenty of mistakes and learned a thing or two about how to lead people to worship in a way that serves people instead of using them and focuses on worship. Also as a systems minded guy, I enjoy looking at organizational structures. For some bizzare reason, I see into them, can see how they can be improved, and the simplest way to execute the necessary changes.

....................

Dangit!

I guess the running stuff is not completely done for this post. It's just after midnight and I wanted to finish this confession before sleep carries my mind away.

I just ran 9.72 miles...my God. It has been about 65 days since I started any exercise geared toward my eventual semi-random grid search for the local maxima of Washington State. Prior to January 7th 2011, I had run the mandatory mile run in 6th grade in under 8 minutes (I believe my exact time according to my mustached gym teacher was 7:12 but that seems fast considering I was the shortest child in my 1,100 student middle school). In fact, an embarrassing set of stories revolves around my height, next time you see me ask about it.

Aside from that one run, I had never run any distance for any reason before the age of 24 years, 6 months. I am now 24 years and 8 months old. What a difference 2 months makes. Shoot, if I found some caffeine pills, chugged 4 full-sized energy drinks, ate a bag of French Truffles, and was being chased by half zombie invading Fremen from planet Arrakis, I might be able to run a half marathon tomorrow. Holy cow. I mean I still hate running, but I'm kinda sorta making progress. It's like that time when I was a little over 3-and-a-half years old, and I saw a man walking down the side walk whistling. I was blown away. You can make music without an instrument?! I asked my godmother Bernadyne, and she whistled too! I single-mindedly dedicated myself to the task of learning how to whistle. For the next week I experimented, revised, and finally achieved unaided noise from which my godmother had no escape. By the end of the month, I could whistle any tune I heard and did so often. I just collected information, synthesized it, executed as best I could, and achieved the desired outcome. I suppose this running thing is no different.

..............

Submitted an application today. Can an introvert like me get a job with the Development Group of a megachurch? IDK.

Ever been so tired you ask yourself, "Hey Josh, what are you feeling?" and you say, "Meh." back? Sleep. 8 hours. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz